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I wanted so much to love you
To hear your voice lullabying me to sleep
To tattoo your words across my ribs
To breathe easier knowing that you existed in the world
And be content

I wanted to defend your honour
To scourge the earth of those who would dare insult you
To break their bones and shatter your attackers
To raise my hackles up at any who drew near
And sink my sword in their throats

I wanted to have you
To be selfish and cruel in my desire, a screaming kit
To be nothing if I was not with you
To be so broken you had to stay to fix me
And it would be enough

I wanted so much to love you
Because you are good
And I don’t know how to be.
But maybe I am giving you too much credit
And we both deserved the ruin I wrought.

I am sorry I lied when you asked if I loved you.
I wanted so badly to not.